if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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