just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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