i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
