He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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