So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
