If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
operation have a gay friend backfired
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
