This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
