took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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