There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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