At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
