i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Randomize
