There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
