this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
