So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
