HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
