yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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