peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
