we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
