Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
