Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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