thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
