I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
