I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
