His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize