thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
