i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
