so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
