Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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