I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
