WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
