So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
