Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
