I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
