thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
