Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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