You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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