So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
