You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
