its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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