stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
