While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
