Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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