"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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