I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
