soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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