My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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