Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i think i just lost a toe
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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