Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
