I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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