The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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