..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
