Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
