Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my shit smells like andre
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
