you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
