My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
