Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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