Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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