i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
