Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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