I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
