he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize