We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
