I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
