If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
