I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
