Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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